September 24, 2008 - 9:28 p.m.
Dear Bubbles,
I know you're a man on active duty. Helping others and training to be in special forces. You seldom call me on the telephone. Naomi knows about this journal. I'm sure she doesn't like some of the things I write about when she's mentioned. This is a place where I can express my inner thoughts and have some sense of privacy, cathartic release. Although this site attracts a few visitors from time to time. Usually from a Google search.
Bubbles...I never meant to emotionally hurt, damage you, or destroy your sense of family. As humans, we are linear creatures. A follows B follows C choices. We can't simultaneously experience our choices on different planes that I'm consciously aware of. The choices I made in 2000 affected you, me, your father, our pets and loved ones. For every action caused a reaction.
I don't blame my current health condition on anyone, or something I did wrong. It's likely negative stress and parental alienation took its toll on me. Maybe that was my cross to bear. If so, I have been thoroughly sanctified on earth. I accept my fate. Now I am free to be myself. A good or bad outcome. I'm ready for the next level of being. I know you identify as atheist. I have experienced supernatural encounters since the passing of mom in 2005. Maybe it's her way of letting me know she's in a better place and to keep the faith. If I should die tomorrow, look for a white rabbit, my Chinese zodiac sign. And a majestic eagle. Two opposite signs. One is speed, quickness the other agility and strength. Think of me if you happen to cross paths with a rabbit or eagle. There may be a mysterious light appear on your wall. Only you can see if alone. This may give you renewed faith in the afterlife.
~ Soldier Girl (Mama)
