October 27, 2009 - 12:07 a.m.
It's been a year since I added a journal entry. A year of changes. I purchased another house. Dated at least five or six people. Had my heart broken by a beautiful, educated woman who made up stories that couldn't be validated, and we ended the friendship at her request. Twice, I've seen postings by someone that could be Apple reaching out to me through cyberspace. Ummm...I haven't changed by phone number this year. Wouldn't a call be easier. I never received an apology message after the brutal one in mid April. Recently met an older woman who likes me and lives three miles away. Another one found me online and is a good activity partner. But I can't look past her gray hair, crocked teeth, and fine, fuzzy white face. She has a heart as big as Texas. Someone rang my doorbell last week. Friends think "Fuzz" may be stalking me. She's never had a romantic or life partner. I think there is a large "crazy attraction" magnet embedded in my forehead.
The highly educated, ultra marathon woman I respect has a girlfriend and a library of classic books. We briefly discussed a few of them last weekend. She seems deeper, more permanent than a day old, mud puddle. Strikingly beautiful people will skim the surface, too busy looking at their own reflections in the water, fearing the mud and murkiness below. This one is different. She actually feels something in a picture of a woman posing full body with a violin and bow in hand.
At one time, I really liked Apple. Caught myself falling in love with her actually. The moment our hands touched installing cables on a snow and winter holiday. Her sister Orange lives in Oregon. She may have moved to Virginia recently. I admire the way Orange can turn a phrase, write a blog, and has the ability to digitally find me online. Orange crush....If you're reading this...examine the invisible footsteps left behind on your body, mind, & spirit. The ones you can't see but are present in your Martha Stewart, house decorating skills... the ponytail of hair pulled back in and outside the court room. The art of slanting, (deflection) mastered in your family. Words to a trained ear are as powerful, and lingering as taste is to a dry, salivating tongue. We tell on ourselves without realizing it. Those who can remember words and stories. Those who will never apologize for conveying factual or printed information from a reliable source.
Apple taught me patience and sharpened my observation skills. I wish I could scrub off the invisible grease marks that keep her on the Baltimore & Maryland track of rejection and grief. So many good qualities surrounded by shame and insecurity. As the oldest fruit, apple got the raw deal. Empty barrel, worm bites. Loneliness.
Some dirty dick gave her cooties and she tells me half truths of its origin and simplex. Suppression therapy does not guarantee one hundred percent protection Apple Pie alamode. We could have worked around the shedding complexity. I've prayed almost every day for the past six months. Bring her back if she's a blessing. Keep far away if she can't distinguish reality from fantasy, truth from deception. "Mama said, Mama said *Da Devil* made her do bad things", Dats what her mama said on the East coast, north of New Orleans.
I'd rather be alone than experience more drama, lies, and heartache. I wish Apple, Orange, and Fuzz no harm or ill fate. Simply be at peace with yourself and others.
~ Soldier Girl
