August 08, 2006 - 8:58 p.m.
I heard this personal, sad story today that could be foreshadowing my present life with teenage son Bubbles. He still refuses to interact after cutting me off during the holiday season in December. This makes about the second or third time he has distanced himself, because of my alternative lifestyle. It would be different if he isolated his rage and anger to me only. But he is an equal opportunity offender, unable to accept anyone in his father's life as well... Making obnoxious sounds on the telephone when a woman calls the family home for Boaz, his father.
But I digress... it seems a couple I met in Oregon last year have a similar fate. The man, let's call Mike, is bipolar. And a well-known inventor. He is a genius with his hands and construction skills. Six months ago, he was feeling uneasy and paranoid about his wife Beverly spending too much time away from home caring for her sick, dying mother. So he moves to Idaho insisting his wife follow him there. After Bev's mother died, Mike further isolated her from family members and her prior-marriage children. Mike also had harsh words for his own father whom he now disowns.
Sound familiar? It hurts to think I passed on a bipolar gene to Bubbles and was spared the negative consequences and side effects of the disorder itself which seems to have skipped a generation in my birth family. My sisters and I have been passed over. And Bubbles is the unfortunate one to inherit the illness. No doubt, it will continue to impact his personal life, relationships with people, and future career choice(s) since he doesn't want to attend college. His plan is to join the Marine Corps or attend chef school after graduating from high school next year. Meanwhile, he has limited interpersonal skills, has never attended a prom or dance, and doesn't show any interest in girls or guys. He is somewhat asexual in his outward behavior. It breaks my heart to know he may never have the opportunity to live a normal life the way most parents envision for their offspring. All because of a bipolar, ADD disorder as long as he goes untreated. When he becomes a middle age adult, perhaps a light bulb will come on and he'll realize he needs outside treatment, medical attention if the disorder continues to negatively impacts his life. Some people remain in denial and continue to blame their parents, school system, ex spouse, ex significant other for all their problems, failures. Men seem especially prone to the angry man syndrome if they have bipolar disorder. Women become more depressed and socially withdrawn. Often times feeling guilty for the bad behavior, manic times, and failed relationships. They turn their anger inward and blame themselves for not being a good partner or parent. I think the first step is acceptance of any disease you may have. Knowing it will impact your life at different times, with some negative consequences. A lifetime of medical treatment and commitment are the only solutions for a near normal life to be possible. Otherwise, denial and blame rear their ugly heads and the person goes through life paranoid, unemployed, lonely, and full of hate/blame that gets shifted onto other people, usually the ones closest to him or her. After a while, the parent, spouse, significant other, sibling, friend has enough and wants out of the relationship, marriage, caretaking role. The bipolar person has no idea how much tolerance and suffering goes on behind the scenes. Until final saturation occurs.
To see a beautiful, talented, intelligent person reduced to pity and sympathy is heart-wrenching. To see friends and family leave the identified person one by one is heart breaking for everyone involved. Yet, we all have a fundamental right, responsibility to preserve our own sanity. Staying with someone in denial about his/her mental illness is insane behavior. You cannot fix mental or medical problems without professional help. Don't even try! I have more respect and admiration for a person who admits to being mentally ill, unemployed, out of work, alcoholic, drug dependent then someone who hides their afflictions, pain. Denies having a mental problem or medical, psychiatric diagnosis. If Bubbles remains stuck in his denial and thinking, I will have to limit my contact with him if he continues to be angry, beligerent, and disrespectful. Self-preservence takes precedence over guilt and a parental sense of duty, within reasonable expectations. No one deserves to be verbally or physically assaulted, harrassed, abused, and so forth. Life is too short for negative, destructive personalities. Even from the mentally ill, disabled person.
Each night, I try to remember those less fortunate, hurting, and afflicted with mental and emotional problems. I have to believe there is healing power in prayer. A higher being that can change negative energy into positive electrons. A mighty power, invisible hand at work in people and relationships. You may not believe in such things. Philosophical, religious beliefs. That is your perogative. Know that the universe is a giant boomerang. What you throw out there you get returned three, tenfold. Negative begets negative. And positive, creative energy makes it a better world for everyone. Do you attract or repel others? See any visible patterns or habits emerging...
~ Soldier Girl
