June 30, 2007 - 11:29 p.m.
My fingers tingle and go numb from the chemotherapy drugs. If I forget to take a laxative or natural stool softener... chemo causes dehydration of the feces and I get severely constipated. It wouldn't be so bad if the 'roids' didn't push out of me like some pregnant, human, hamster girl. Most chemo patients are forced to suffer in silence. To wear a disposable glove with a little olive oil poured on the finger tips to release what's stuck inside. A week after chemo, I stop taking the steroid Predisone. It keeps me juiced, wired, and feeling like super woman. I don't have delusions of grandeur so it's like being manic depressive without the euphoria. Void of a fantasy world.
Naomi is taking great care of me. Like a wife, or committed partner. She makes me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cleans the house, shops for groceries, does the laundry. Everything but wipe my butt. I feel incredible loyalty and gratitude for having her in my life. She's also the "mother hen" cackling and pecking at perceived threats or energy zappers. Sometimes I hear the phone ring, a few words, and silence again. She told Eddie I was unavailable and my new friend Samantha about my recent visit to the oncologist yesterday and a low white blood cell count less than 1.5 on the richter scale. So I'm relegated to "Girl in the plastic bubble" treatment this week. I rest, take naps in the middle of the day, stay inside my house, and watch cool DVDs like "Night at the Museum", "Last King of Scotland", "The 300", and North Country". I suppose there are lessons being learned along the way. It's like I'm on summer holiday, extended vacation with a huge price tag.
Don't think I can go through another six chemo treatments in the next few years. I'll choose to live a semi-quality life and let nature take its course after November 2007. People who love animals hold a special place in my heart. Ruby thinks heaven will come down to earth and be restored to its natural beauty. Glory. Animals will testify in front of God, and Saint Peter to the character of a human being's soul. Was he/she a kind person when no one's watching? Or sadistic, evil in nature, only giving to receive something in return.
~ Soldier Girl
