July 27, 2005 - 1:14 a.m.
I may have stumbled into the life of a seasoned stalker. Not just any run of the mill variety. But an obsessed fan fixated on a female rock star. A girlie stalker who is equally talented in voice and lyric arrangement. A middle age woman who can't let go from meeting a famous person twenty years ago. And has spent her entire adult life trying to perform and live like her rock star idol. Almost landing a major recording contract ten years ago. Seeing this dedicated fan up close and personal has been therapeutic for my own past regrets and obsessions. I didn't have the heart to tell her directly that Rock Star could care less about another grown woman. The fifteen year old girl is gone. No longer in need of being saved or rescued. Yet the yearning and need to be close has never left her thoughts.
She doesn't need you anymore... I want to scream out loud. But can't force myself to be that blunt or cynical. Crushing whatever self-esteem, pride she may have left inside her. Famous people want the ticket and box office sales. They only need their fans to want them for two hours a night. On tour. And fans who go to paypal websites and record stores. The rest of the time celebrities demand personal privacy and physical distance. This is the reality a crazed fan may never fully comprehend. I find it fascinating yet sad at the same time. Not sure a stalker label is fair or even accurate. Came from a verbal exchange with the rock star's manager directed at my friend. Move on with your life I want to advise her. However, on a visceral, vicarious level, I understand her cognitive dissonance. Turmoil. Unable or unwilling to let go completely. Dreams of being close friends with a celebrity. Desire for recognition and admiration returned. I doubt she will ever find or receive what she is looking for. Reciprocation has to be on both ends. Reaching out. Responding in kind. I wish her closure and healing. Otherwise, heartbreak and disappointment can be a dream wrecking nightmare. Unkept promises in the dark.
~ Soldier Girl
