July 05, 2008 - 12:46 p.m.
Sometimes you have to press the pause button and look at the big screen tv. Its slender shape and 32 inches of glossy perfection. All black of course. So the picture and frame blend together in producing the highest quality, visual appealing, digital masterpiece. Reflection allows me to look where I've been and where I'm headed. So far, I stare back at a well of loneliness. un-emptied boxes, envelopes and bills scattered on the coffee table where most of my life gets summarized on a monthly basis.
Naomi remains in my home. And I'm living a hundred miles away in some efficiency dwelling that stays locked in a builder grade eighties motif with thin walls and high turnover occupancy. It's enough to make one ugly and depressed. Whatever artistic slivers remain inside the smoked, charred wood and ash lie dormant. Not alive and burning its history, new destiny like the California Wildfires in 2008. Last year, life was put on hold with a threatening disease. This year, life takes on a new focus. And the one who claimed to love me most, is gone up north. Too far away.
I have to admire Jersey girl for giving up cars and living within walking distance of public transit. She is known for schlepping all her camping gear in a back pack which she carries on a slight frame with little fat. As she braves the city dwellers on her way to the beaver town wilderness.
Naomi won the diet challenge and lost twenty pounds, setting her mind and body to early morning rises. long walks, and bicycle rides. Our shared values became lost in translation. She has lived her adult life on the generosity and kindness of others. While most of us work tight, rigid schedules because we need health insurance and written assurance that some agency will cover most if not all medical costs. I've adopted a new philosophy... expect nothing from nobody. And be pleasantly surprised when something nice or rewarding occurs.
As women age, they become more wiser, and realistic. The world quits rewarding them for beauty and turns full attention to a younger generation. That's when a woman begins to define herself, needs, wants, values. On her own terms if financially independent. That's what I admire about Green Pea, she moved to a better, artistic, affordable city to continue existing on her own terms. Perhaps she will find the amazing person in her dreams, One who eats red meat, shows moderation in alcohol consumption, doesn't smoke much or post a bunch of animal pics in personal ads. Likes to read books; a voracious reader.
~ Soldier Girl
