January 25, 2006 - 11:03 p.m.
Manuela represents to me the perfect, most compassionate woman I've admired lately in film. Seeing her portrayed in Barcelona and Madrid reminded me of a sexy, Spanish, Catherine Deneuve. With Penelope Cruz as supporting actress.
Through Manuela's eyes, voice, mannerisms, body language she does not judge. But simply allows her emotions to guide her. Very accepting of people. When her son Estaban is tragically killed by a speeding coche, she mourns his passing with heavy heart; her artistically talented, guapo hombre. The opposite personality of my own son. Inverse of my current relationship with him (Bubbles). I take comfort in the fact my son is still alive today approaching los diecisiete cumpleanos.
I find you to be very similar in nature and character to Lola. Guarded, seeking perfection, never finding true happiness. Playing with people's health and emotions. Some twisted version of your own truth. One day, I may take pity on your success and demise. As any true artist, you were handed a gift in one hand, a whip in the other. To beat yourself up each and every day. Unable to obtain lasting perfection.
Unlike Lola, you did not invest every peso you made in outward appearances. You take refuge in reading everything you can buy and absorb con dos ojos. Highly intelligent people learn through the lens and filters of literature. Even Marilyn Vos Savant, a well-known, accomplished high genius recommends great literature, Pulitzer prize books over encyclopedias and other forms of rote memory; the mere learning of facts and figures. It doesn't take a high genius to know when a gifted artist, tortured musician turns mad. Angry from being rejected. Mad from walking a thin green line alone between exceptional, genius, insanity.
I beg of you to quit rolling me over with your pink eraser head, pencil dick. Quit pulling and flicking at my wings. I can't fly any higher in this lifetime. Grown too old and fat with a heavy thorax. I know I ain't no talented musician, nobody special. Just somebody hanging onto her sanity, troubled mind. Her future retirement and loyal friends, family members. I don't cry aloud for anyone. I ask politely. Introduce myself once or twice. And walk away keeping what's left of my pride and dignity intact. You should know this by now if you know me at all Lola.
~ Soldier Girl
