October 12, 2007 - 10:52 p.m.
Dear friend... it's been almost two months since I wrote upon your blank, white page. The pain of going through a major illness, health condition coupled with the enormous hole in my heart created by a man child, only begotten son named Bubbles. Like a turbulent glass of champagne, he has left me with an upset stomach, dizzy feeling, and hangover. Parent alienation has poisoned his heart, mind, and soul against me. It's as though he as been taken away but walking the earth without a mom. The loss can be as strong as actually losing him in the literal sense of dying. Our mother-son relationship destroyed two years ago and has not been resuscitated, renewed. Forgiven. It leaves a gaping hole in my life and heart.
For the past six months, I realize every living thing I took for granted. My health namely. The ability to run on any given day, push my body beyond normal sleep limits, and sit for hours in front of the one-eyed frame, typing out my frustrations, anxieties, joys, fears, and happiness. Was it all time wasted? The clock winding forward never to regain those precious, lost moments. Unlike my deceased mother, I have been able to navigate through life with most of my intellect and emotions intact. I've experienced a good, full life for the past four decades. If I should die tomorrow, I have the satisfaction of knowing I experienced most of what a mortal, human life can offer.
~ Soldier Girl
