August 24, 2006 - 10:56 p.m.
Tonight was girls night out. In politically correct terms... professional women having drinks and dinner together at a local Applebees restaurant. Having too much fun and loud, laughing voices conjured up a middle age, vertically challenged, Italian male stopping by our round table flirting with whomever happened to listen. I couldn't resist size matters to women remarks and self-disclosures of being a fan of the black hole. It went wholly over his head. One of them. He picked up on the mixed energies and hovered around the two straight but already taken females in our six pack. Both having either a live-in boyfriend or husband at home.
Naomi left her black onyx ring in my jewelry box. Symbolic of our recent break-up. Although we still share a bedroom, we are no longer intimate as a couple. Contractors are scheduled to begin work in two weeks, remodeling the master bath and installing a wall bed in the guest room. I miss the sexual intimacy. But felt it terribly unfair to keep the good things of a relationship and pretend everything else was perfect. Not sure about whom I want to spend the rest of my life with the next twenty, thirty, or forty years; whatever is left of this life. It was not only a few financial struggles but the uncertainty of knowing if she is the one or not... my lifetime partner. Attributing her presence and interference with Bubbles as being partially responsible for losing my son and marriage. The other part of me thinking I wrecked those things just fine, myself. And I could be one of those people who is better off alone, not breaking yet another fragile heart along the way. Become the female version of Apostle Paul who chose the single life instead of marriage, or a lifelong commitment with another human being alive and kicking. He dedicated himself to a higher calling, Christianity.
When I'm sitting near an attractive woman, it's very difficult not to feel aroused. Sexually stimulated. Especially when you haven't had any physical contact for two months or longer. End-of-the-evening hugs are very much appreciated. On the drive home, she fought back the tears of no longer being a couple. I decided not to wear the black onyx ring I had given her several years ago. Placed it back inside my jewelry box for safe keeping. We began as friends and perhaps we will end as friends, completing a not so perfect circle.
~ Soldier Girl
