January 28, 2006 - 10:12 p.m.
Time marches on. It waits for no one. My body sore from riding 25 miles in the rain. Fortunately, we took along our rain gear. I need to spray the bikes with simple green. Dry off the chrome and metal parts still wet. My weight has dropped back down again. For the umpteenth time. It never waits for me. A dear friend wants to see me next month in the wine country. She is 17 years my senior. A hispanic woman who never seems to age. I met her in New Mexico a decade ago. While traveling together, she asked if I had any dyke friends. She must have seen something inside me. Through me. Seriously, I cannot figure out if I am bisexual or lesbian. My current living situation would indicate the latter identity. However, this well built, athletic, sexy black man has taken a shine to me. Taught me how to get more power from a left hook. Is willing to jump out of a perfect good airplane with me once the weather breaks and it quits raining. He even told me personal information about being fixed. I had to chuckle over that one. It's not that I don't love Naomi. She has been a faithful companion, loving girlfriend of five years. And the musician who had my heart and cut it to bits only because I allowed myself to experience pain and disappointment. I wasn't emotionally available to begin a new physical relationship with anyone. I thought a close friendship, collaboration alone would be enough. It was for me. Until money became the motivator of not playing anywhere for free. I've been blessed and cursed with the desire of playing music. Even on Craigslist, I am considered too old for most established bands. It has taught me not to judge on external factors only. Internal measuring sticks provide a much better barometer to gauge desire and fortitude. Perhaps even talent and the willingness to grow and improve.
In 5-6 years, I see myself in retirement. Running triathlons, jamming with people my age, the last of the baby boomers. Setting up a lightweight Aliner camper I pull behind a hybrid Toyota Highlander. I'm thinking outdoor, tree hugging, green thoughts at the moment. Love being outdoors, even in the rain.
~ Soldier Girl
