October 31, 2006 - 8:11 a.m.
Madison is becoming a close friend. She told me not to give up on Bubbles. That he is lucky to have a mom who loves him so much. Madison knew at age 3 her mother hated her. Never supported her interest in music. As a teenager, Madison saved her allowance money to buy a piano. While pounding on the keys, trying to coax out a song, her father came home from work. Madison quit playing the piano abruptly. When her father asked why she quit playing, she confessed her inability to master the piano. At which her father replied: "You don't spend every penny you have on a piano you can't play. If not today, you will tomorrow."
The piano proved to be a springboard for Madison much like the violin was for me. She moved on to playing the drums. Became a member of a California rock band in the early seventies. Now she plays cello. And I still attempt guitar. Madison's father was a medical doctor but he drank himself to death. She said he taught her compassion and introduced her to the beat poets. I'm guessing Madison is in her mid to late fifties. We don't talk about age. Just music. Even after I changed the key three times, she keeps playing accompaniment for me. Although I give her two introductory barres of fingerpicking, it's her opportunity to shine on lead cello. When I found a Roland electronic drumset on Craigslist, she lit up like a fifteen year old boy. And took to drumming again. I let her have the drums for the same price I bought them plus a drum stool she traded for a metronome. We also have a decent lead singer, lead guitar, and jazz guitar player in our band of misfits. Two of our members were born male and became female through corrective surgery. Being around them has convinced me the human brain develops first followed by the sex organs. Sometimes, a person gets trapped in the wrong body. Especially when their brain is telling them who they really should be. My acceptance has been contagious. Of all the musicians I have worked with, these two ladies are the most dedicated. It gives them something to live for while motivating me, Hippie Jean, and Julian to create and be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Although outwardly, we are a band of five woman, inwardly there is some needed male energy.
I stopped by the family home last night. Bubbles was working on his essay due today. I went upstairs to his room. I noticed his bedroom door had two fist size holes. And the door itself was hanging on a single hinge. I worry Bubbles has lowgrade depression and he expresses it with verbal outbursts and fits of anger. He has punched at least four holes in the closet doors, walls, and his bedroom door. I think the eleven months of silent treatment has made him realize he misses his mom. I'm not the enemy. And I will be there filming his wrestling matches. Last year, he couldn't wrestle and needed two knee surgeries. The kid has guts to attempt varsity wrestling. He is tenacious, a fighter who won't give up easily. He wants to join the Marine Corps when he graduates from high school this year.
I saw the movie "Running with Scissors" over the weekend. It's a very intense movie, funny in places, but also tragic. It's based on a real life story. Being a psychology major and minor poet, the movie appealed to my interests. Although I'm not a big fan of psychoanalysis and fixating too much attention on the oral, anal, and phallic stages of development. What I find most disturbing about the story, is the present day alienation Augusten has toward Deidre, his mother. My God, the woman has suffered from bipolar depression most of her adult life. The writer finds it in his heart to forgive and reconciliate with his mean drunken father (portrayed by Alec Baldwin) who appeared indifferent in the movie. I didn't see a mean drunk. Whereas, Deidre is described accurately on film as portrayed in the book. One should never disown their family members unless the identified person is physically or mentally abusive, incapable of change.
~ Soldier Girl
