November 19, 2006 - 1:39 a.m.
My fingers hurt from volleyball. I played four games last week. With a new leather ball. Competing with guys can be brutal. They hit harder, return serves faster, always spike the ball. Standing flat footed, my fingers don't reach the top of the net. Compared to men, I'm vertically challenged.
The older I become, the more I respect logic and modern day engineering. How things fit together with precision. Just today I was thinking about scooters. My latest obsession. Must be some French, Italian, European appeal of freedom. Stopping by a cafe' for lattes, cappuccino. A glass of red wine. Served with cheese or crouissant. A slice of cake, homemade quiche, yummy dessert. Those chin strap scooter helmets are a trip. With matching goggles. Too funny. Parked on a sidewalk, a scooter is easy to navigate, twist, and go.
I keep thinking about Luce and Rachel. "Lost and Delirious" had a very sad ending. Too emotionally intense to watch a second time. "Imagine Me and You" is much better. If you ask who my present day fantasy woman is... she's a combination of spunkiness, sass, formal education of Rachel but the sophistication, business savy, tender heart of Luce. Who tries to do the right thing even if it costs her something. I can't stop thinking about her. I don't suppose a woman like that would self-inflict pain. I imagine her to be a person of great character, compassion. Watching her weight, in all things moderation, who is strong enough to turn down booze and drugs even when offered freely.
Depression gets us over time. If we allow the dark hand to creep in. Take over. Brush your teeth at least twice a day. Exercise, eat healthy, obstain from food, drug, alcohol abuse. Lately, I started drinking a glass of wine in the evening. Is it numbing the pain. I stop at two. The thought of becoming addicted, middle age wino is too much to bear. Would you ride on the back of my scooter, motorcycle? Listen to me play the guitar and attempt a song with my limited range? I don't cook much. I have fat genes. Blow up like an inflatable doll if I eat normal. I like food. Have never willingly purged or starved myself for longer than five days.
I wish I could find someone like Luce. Who loves and accepts me warts and all.
~ Soldier Girl
