June 25, 2006 - 12:00 a.m.
The woman in the mission park wearing tan shoes with little brown stripes. As though she could be wearing bowling shoes or new, funky, LA style athletic footwear that Ellen bee bops, dances around in weekly on her talk show. I saw the same trendy shoes, designer brand sunglasses. Exact physical height, hair color, and body type. Thinking it could be her. The one. She took off her sunglasses momentarily. Then a few minutes later, left with a female friend. They headed over to a parked car on Dolores Street, and this time she was carrying an athletic bag with strap. An overnight, out-of-town bag. Did she retrieve it from a parked car? Seemed that way to me, the casual observer.
Those kind of details play tricks on your mind. It's easier to stand there in your black boots talking with friends you interact with on a regular basis. The longing seemed to engulf me into suspension of non-belief. It couldn't possibly be her. Not this many years later. Two states away in living location, home residence. My business card with numbers already folding inside my green, titanium Columbia shorts. Live in the moment. Don't let your mind and wishful thinking play tricks on you again. If I could have two wives, she would be the other one, although humans are jealous by nature. And our commitment train may have left the station already. It's difficult looking back with a twisted neck, middle age mind.
I imagine the weight or pull of going to the park year after year felt like home to her. A trusted friend you return to the last Saturday in June. I pray the image of those tan-brown bowling shoes belong to someone else. I never believed whirlwind, romantic things could happen to me. Best left for suspension of non-belief and the movies. I suppose those unique looking zapatos will come to symbolize change and walking in another random, opposite direction. To her freedom. To me reality, the present world.
~ Soldier Girl
