July 29, 2005 - 8:46 a.m.
The humidity has been unbearable the past two weeks. Not as bad as the Midwestern armpit of America. Yet uncomfortable enough to sweat in places previously thought incapable.
Not sure how my present band situation is going to materialize. Lead singer is a bit of a diva, drama queen perfectionist. To keep my sanity, I tape record our rehearsals. And play back in my car stereo while driving to work. Funny how age and wisdom develops a critical ear. Diva has a beautiful voice. Not perfect. Moods, emotions can throw the voice off a slight pitch. You only achieve perfection in a recording studio.
I feel fortunate and blessed I have a good paying job with benefits and security. Can't imagine starting over from scratch. Looking around my house and garage I want to kick myself. Too many toys and not enough time. Toys referring to the kayak leaning in the corner of the garage, a motorcycle "Elizabeth" I haven't ran since last year and she wasn't firing on all cylinders. Two windsurfing boards that have not seen ocean or lake water this year. A tandem hanging upside down on hooks and a portable recording studio I haven't hooked up after watching the instructional DVD. Don't get me started about the spa and gazebo on the patio that are not being used. It's not to say I won't use them eventually. I take pretty good care of my toys. Finding enough time to use them is a different story. I spend way too much time on the computer. Must be my obessive-compulsive switch in on position. Every single day. Not as bad as Monk but what I have is noticeable. Wouldn't label myself nucking futs or anything. More of a dreamer, big kid who is a hedonist at heart. Somehow I always find good deals. A queen of the bargain bin.
I'm really going to try harder and get my act together. Reduce the woodpile and thin out the herd. "Elizabeth" will be running shortly. Not sure how long I'll keep her. Insurance and tags for a motorized vehicle not being used. Diamond did the same thing with her vintage BMW. Kept it in the garage until one day finances and return to school forced her to sell it. Parting with the black leather lifestyle of her past. Must have been a difficult decision. Haven't seen Diamond in years. You can live five miles away and never see someone in a long time. Let alone 20 or 30 miles away. Past thinking.
Someone introduced me to the new television series "The 4400". Imagine my surprise in seeing "Marina" from the L-Word on this week's show. She becomes the wife of Tom. Higher powers wanted to give him ten years of perfect, happy memories before he faces a downward slide of despair. That episode made me think in linear moments. Those special times when all is right in your own little world. Void of despair, agony, pain, depression. Then a major catastrophe comes along and whammo, bammo your perfect world ceases to exist. You become human again with all the challenges and obstacles of age and tragedy.
When I saw my sin twister Ruby on the Fourth of July this year, she looked me over real good. Later on the phone last week, she made a comment that we see everyone else age but ourselves. She could tell I looked older than the last time she saw me. Well sister dear, the slight velvetry spread along your cheeks indicates to me a by-product of taking birth control pills. I could feel her blushing over the cell phone. Identical twins are very direct and blunt with eachother. She opened up that box of pills. No seriously, I warned her about the dangers of taking artificial hormones. The feminist inside me waits for the day they come out with a pill for men. I seriously doubt the bastards take it. Always pushing the responsibility of birth control back on the woman. I'm being a little cynical and judgmental here. If I ever become involved with a man again, he will have already taken care of his reproductive ability himself. Fat chance I will find such a together, responsible, handsome, secure man in my lifetime. Won't hold my breath waiting.
~ Soldier Girl
