January 13, 2007 - 10:11 a.m.
Spend half your life educating yourself to make a better one. You find out yesterday a high school friend is diagnosed with cancer. Doctors removed her ovaries, gallbladder, and appendix eaten up with stage four cancer. On the phone, Ruby gently reminds me... one out of six people will die from cancer. Like I needed to hear reality ringing in my ears.
Today, someone emailed me a warning not to microwave in plastic or use anything but tempered glass when nuking food and beverages. Dioxin leeches into the food and liquids from heated plastic containers and wrap. Not to freeze water bottles because the same thing happens under extreme temperatures. Every day I walk along the streets where microwaves, cell phone towers, satellites, infrared signals broadcast invisible frequencies through my body without permission. And I'm breathing another dose of ant spray and will it get me this year? Kill off one more living organism for every five that dodged a bullet.
The dark shadows creep in and my relatives don't hear from me in a week or two thinking I've been shipped off to Iraq which doesn't sound as bad as it seems. I may volunteer for a special duty assignment this year or next. I miss intimacy and sex. Living a life of celibacy is good for my conscious but it destroys my tender heart. I don't trust too many people. I keep getting hurt by the ones closest to me. I tell myself maybe I'm the problem. The solution seems to be trust but verify. What to do when verification is contrary to your beliefs, acquired knowledge. It kicks you in the stomach because you took a chance and stepped out on the limb again only for someone to chop it off, chainsaw the entire tree to the ground. All those days and weeks of staying in touch melt into another gigantic disappointment. And you blame yourself for wasting time. On something, someone who can never be honest and true to life.
~ Soldier Girl
