September 25, 2008 - 11:23 p.m.
I had six chemo treatments, fuzzy thinking, diminished capacity last year. Most of my neural synapses have returned. And she thinks I'm not perceptive enough to realize I'm being digitally tracked or monitored using IP software. Sniffers. I'm a freakin IT person for heaven sake.
Writers want to observe and get some vicarious thrill over keeping the game alive. Inner meanings, subtext, and word play regurgitated on the digital screen in a posting or email message. Once again, the electronic pencil pushes and pokes the older moth who flies too close to the flame of honesty. What does it get you sometimes? A shared perspective one can use to peek inside your cerebral cortex.
I don't believe in repeated coincidences. No one is your exact, chronological age too often. Or likes the same car model or bicycle manufacturer. Or has relatives who died from the same disease. Reminds me of the female comic on SNL..."I had six graduations"... one upping the other students. Flattery. Someone exactly like you with similar tastes and experiences will share a common bond and respond more quickly. Is that the reason for using this technique? Respect. You seem to disrespect me with poor grammar, deliberate spelling mistakes. As though I'm not worth the effort you make when posting perfect ads online. Deflection. I'm so conceited, self-absorbed, or unaware to notice you dumbing down correspondence to make me think you're someone else. A different gender or race perhaps. You felt guilty this morning for not watching over me last year. Which is more difficult to observe... physical suffering that chemo causes or mental torture of being tapped with your digital pencil over and over again? I'll take another round of chemo Alex.
The last writer I dated showed little concern, responsibility for the feelings of her lovers. Dee and I both were subjects to observe. Material to write about in her published short stories, and poems. I appreciated her self-disclosure of being timid and shy around strangers. Yet the moment I excused myself (her idea) to go dance with another woman, she became jealous and moody. Traveling around the United States and globe has allowed me to share common interests and experiences with total strangers. Don't punish me for being more of an extrovert, funny, cute woman. Pretty is someone with long hair, polished nails, stylish clothing, ultra femme version of womanhood. Beautiful is ideal, stunning. Elizabeth Taylor was a naturally, beautiful woman. Perfect features in her younger years. Let's not forget Vivien Leigh, the actress who played Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind". Pretty is cliche' for Julia Roberts. Cute is Sandy Duncan, Julie Andrews, and Lindsay Lohan. You visually see the levels of ultra femininity become more blurred and androgynous going from beautiful to pretty to cute to average to plain to homely to butt ugly. I think this is as good a definition as any.
~ Soldier Girl
