November 07, 2006 - 12:23 a.m.
Maybe the point of my writing is dissonance. Not having a set rhythm, voice, meter, predictable pattern. The inverse of Andy Warhol. Me, myself, I contrarian with simple poetic style, sophomoric writing ability packed full of cliche's, adjectives, word plays. I don't humor myself into thinking whatever I write could possibly end up in a professional journal, literary collection. I write because I need to express myself artistically or go nucking futs for keeping emotional things inside. Another Soldier Girl mystery solved dear readers.
The heavy bleeding, dried blood at the beginning and end of cycles could be the start of menopause. Could also be a life threatening, undetected thyroid condition or growth of large cysts inside the uterus lining. Size of tennis balls or grapefruit. Probably explains the reason I can't drop five or ten fucking pounds of body weight. Fibroid tissue has mass. It's not liquid that can be drained outside the body. Part of getting older. Fatter. Situationally depressed. Feeding off female hormones, cysts become larger then shrivel up, permanently gone after the estrogen levels drop off in later, golden years.
You think a man altered with surgery can fully experience womanhood without suffering through mood swings, bloody accidents, and monthly inconveniences? Without the natural ability to give birth or conceive new life. I understand the concept of humans having nipples. We all begin as female until the first trimester when the presence or absence of male hormones, y chromosomes determine sex organ development. Yet the brain could be mismatched, trapped inside the opposite sex. The most powerful organ demanding its eventual freedom.
At what level do I connect with you today, tomorrow. Accept my middle age spread, thinning hair, regimented career choice. Accept I have a difficult time trusting others. Because leopards seldom change their spots and the higher you go up the flagpole, the more your butt shows! Probably two of my favorite quotes of all time. They ring so true for me.
~ Soldier Girl
